THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS: News/Journal

This past weekend was a trial by fire for our new lineup and they came through with flying colors! Dean & Jerry's (I know, "Hey lady!") first gig with the band involved flying across the country and playing to a packed house at Viva Las Vegas 13. No pressure!!! If you weren't there, here's a bit of what you missed.

...And the Lord spoke unto the Gorillas, saying: I have heard the murmuring of the children of the mailing list: Go forth and say unto them: Fear not, silly persons! In the evening you shall eat flesh, and in the morning you shall drink latte with fancy little cookies while delicately holding your cups with pinkies protruding: and you shall know by all that is holy that

THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS

are God's favorite Rock & Roll band!!!



We're back! Did you miss us??? {:8())-

As the world grows a year older this January, your Gorillas will be undergoing some profound changes of our own. Two of our friends will be leaving us, as they set off in search of new adventures.

Tim Veeder - Tim has been a fellow soldier in the Gorilla Corps for a little over two years. In that time he has shown himself to be a great musician and performer with a sense of humor that is dryer than dry. Tim is also a “take no prisoners” practical joker. Tim, I still owe you for that 5 am wakeup call in Peoria!

Crusher Carmean - This one is tough for me. You see, Crusher and I have been doing this Gorilla thing for the better part of seven years. Being similar in temperament, we have fought bitterly for much of that time. Yet even at my angriest moments, I have never regarded Crusher as anything less than my brother. Our arguments were nothing more than a byproduct of our shared vision and unwavering commitment to the band. We have been all over the landscape together as coconspirators and partners in crime. He has been an irreplaceable force in this band and I suspect that I will miss him desperately every single time I step on to a stage for some time to come. Godspeed, Crusher!

All things being as they are, the time has come to say goodbye to Tim & Crusher.

Please be advised that this is not the end of THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS! We are committed to continue burning down houses across this country and beyond for years to come! Believe it.

This weekend will be our farewell shows with the old lineup. Please come out and send them off in style! Sunday’s show at Third & Walnut will be a Toys for Tots drive. Please bring unwrapped and unopened toys for kids who are in need. If you will not be at Third & Walnut (how dare you?), you can bring your toys to Trinity on Saturday and I will make sure that they get where they need to be.

Thank you for your continued support of the Gorillas this past year. We’ll see you in the new year!!!

yer pal,



Rick {:8())-

There have been many great musical acts that have secured a hallowed place in the annals of music history. There were The Prognosticators, Slim Peter and his Pedophile Three, Rusty Sanchez, Pork Roll Sam and the Frequent Fryers, The Hock-A-Loogies, and of course, who could forget the King of the Polkas Slowek Shwzxtwkjhfdgski and his Existential Squeeze Box? You remember him. The guy with the chaps. I digress. We here at Gorilla Headquarters think that you would agree that these are some of the greatest artists of all time and that they deserve our respect, admiration and gratitude for their unique amazing contributions to our collective vocabulary in the field of popular music.

We also feel, with all due respect, as great as these ground breaking artists may be, there is one band that stands head and shoulders above the rest. One band that sets the standard by which all other bands should be measured. One band that can bring joy to the dreary monotonous lives of all the little people who will read this website post. One band that can make the blind speak and the mute see. That band is THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS. In the name of all that is sacred, should these other so called artists be permitted to breathe the same air as THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS??? “No!!!” I say verily unto thee. As a matter of fact I will go on record and suggest that if any of these hack no account loser has-beens even cast their gaze in the direction of THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS they should be hunted down like dogs by an angry mob of Gorilla Fans, beaten to death with pointy sticks and ceremonially disemboweled with a warm spoon!!!
WE ARE THE KINGS OF THE WORLD!!! BOW BEFORE US, SWINE!!! RAAAAAAH!!! YOUR FEAR MAKES US STRONGER!!!

I mean, am I right?

Is daylight saving time starting to get you down? Does the prospect of another dreary Winter make you want to open a vein? Can you feel your brain cells dissolving into a pasty goo as you vegetate through another mind numbing episode of some stupid VH1 reality show in which Eric Estrada wades his way through a plethora of bubble headed low rent sluts in hopes of finding his one true love? Have you viewed so much Internet porn that it now seems like little more than a Disney cartoon and you have now reached a point where the only way that you can get turned on is by immersing yourself in Jello Pudding while the object of your desire shows you the bottom of their feet?

Yeah, we've been there.

There's only one thing left for you...

THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS!

STAT!!!

Sitting in my office after going nine rounds with my nemesis Johnny Walker the night before, I had a queer feeling kind of like there was a midget in my pants with a cattle prod and a box of matches. While laying my pounding head on the desk next to the photo of my ex-partner whom a year ago that day had gone to his maker after being pushed in front of a street car by a stranger wearing a bowler hat and smoking an El Producto Cigar there came a knock on my door. “Come in,” I slurred in a voice that could best be described as the sound that a garbage disposal makes when it’s filled to the brim with the carcass of some sort of dead fish, tilapia perhaps.

In walked a vision of feminine pulchritude. One part Lana Turner and three parts Ray Bolger, she was loaded for bear at five foot nothing with legs like a table and a giant mustache. I was smitten.

“What can I do you for, Sweetheart?” I cooed in a voice that could best be described as the sound that a cat makes when its belly is filled to the brim with the carcass of some sort of dead fish, sardine perhaps.

“I’m looking for a band,” she said seductively as she fingered her giant mustache, “The greatest band on the face of the earth.”

“Billy Budd and his Nudniks?” I queried.

“NO STOOPID,” she replied, “THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS!!!”

So I shot her. {:8()}-

This week's newsletter is entitled
"WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT YOU?"
Here is our top ten list of the things that we, The Gorillas, find so captivating about you, our very favorite fan. Ready? Here we go!

10. Your little laugh.
9. The way you make those fart noises with your armpits while dining with family and friends.
8. Your third nipple.
7. The fabulous things you've done with your trailer.
6. The way your left eye droops a little lower than your right.
5. Your hump.
4. The way you keep saying "like" between every other word.
3. The way you take your teeth out at parties.
2. Your chronic halitosis.

And finally, the numero uno reason that the Gorillas think that you are the bees knees (drum roll)!!!!

1. YOUR SPECTACULAR TASTE IN MUSIC!!!!

Eh? See what I just did there? {:8())-

There are many ways that you can pay tribute to your Gorillas this week. You can show up at work wearing your patented "Joe Gorilla" t-shirt with matching diaper and spats. You can go out and heckle a rival band by shouting things like, "I know Crusher used to be in your band, but you still suck!" You can carve The Gas House Gorillas' logo into your chest with a rusty corkscrew. You can send us an actual human ear in the mail (just make sure it's your own, Van Gogh).
Any of these things would be wonderful and much appreciated by the band. Of course, the easiest way to pay tribute to your Gorillas would be to come out and see us at a venue near you and make a frickin' spectacle of yourself while having the time of your life!!!
If that doesn't work for you, you can always nail yourself to a billboard and set your genitals on fire. How biblical!
Show us some love people!

A Gorilla haiku poem for Spring:

Gas House Gorillas.
A kilt is worn by Crusher.
How silly it seems.

OK. Now it's your turn.

Please feel free to send us your original Gas House Gorillas Haiku.

The author of the haiku that your Gorillas deem the best will receive free admission to our show this Friday!

Oh boy, what fun! I'll betcha Royal Crown Revue never had a haiku contest. Losers!

Good luck!

Friday, April 3rd, 2009 @ 9 PM

The Wonder Bar
5th and Ocean
Asbury Park, NJ
732-502-8886
Price: 21 & older: $7.00 or free w film fest badge

OK. I am now going to put aside my usual sardonic joking manner and speak from the heart.

To all of the people who have watched, listened, danced, sang along, endured being the target of our 6th grade sense of humor, bought a CD or a t-shirt, booked us, referred us, told a friend or relative about us, joked with us, flirted with us, befriended us, read my long insanely inane emails, and otherwise supported us in any way we would like to offer a huge THANK YOU and a big sloppy kiss!!! You are the best and we love you (well, most of you). Happy Holidays!

Best wishes from yer pals,

THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS {:8())-

P.S. On the other hand__if you have been angered or offended by anything that we have said or done this past year__well, what can I say?___GET A LIFE!

If you're like me, you're probably sick to death of punditry, party
hacks, spin and empty promises.

That is why I am here to promise you absolutely nothing!!!

Crusher will not be wearing a lapel pin along the campaign trail!
For that matter, Crusher will not be wearing any lapels!!!

If you vote for the Gas House Gorillas, life will not change for you
one iota. That's right! The war won't stop. The economy won't get
better. Gas prices will not go down. I want you to vote for us
because it feeeeeeeeels good!

Let's face it, you've probably voted for more stupid reasons than
that in the past. OK, not you. You're one of them intelligent
voters. You check out each candidate's voting record, listen
carefully to what they have to say, all the while weighing your
options in a thoughtful manner.

Yeah right.

Please register and vote for our song, "Hep Cat King of Everything"
right here:

!!!
Please tell your family and friends to vote for us as well. I've got
news for you, oh loyal Gorillaphile, Michigan and Florida will be
counted!
A vote for the Gorillas is a vote for change!!!

Well maybe not change. Something that feels really safe to our
demographic, perhaps. A vote for ice cream maybe?
{:8())-

Five gorillas walk into a bar.

Each one pulls up a stool, and orders a beer.

The bartender pours each gorilla a beer and says

"That'll be five bucks."

As the last gorilla is paying the tab, the bartender adds

"We don't get many gorillas in here."

To which the gorilla replies, "At five bucks a beer, it's no

wonder"

The Gorillas played to a packed house last night at The Blue Parrot in beautiful downtown Wilmington. Dan Hickey played drums (superbly I might add), Crusher went too far (as usual), Hiro played like a man possessed (ditto), Tim climbed on a chair (crazy fool!) and Rick broke his toe!!! What a night! We'll be back in January. That should give you folks plenty of time to sober up.
We had a blast as usual!
Thanks for being there!

Your Pals,
THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS {:8())-

THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS

would like to take this opportunity to thank you for being such an
important part of our musical lives this past year. You've warmed
the cockels of our little gorilla hearts.
As you well know, there's nothing like warm cockels!

We are hard at work on our new CD and we can't wait for you to hear
it, ya crazy nut!

HO! HO! HO!

Best wishes,
GORILLA CLAUS (aka Rick) o<{:8())-

The Gas House Gorillas were making a big noise at Retromedia Sound Studios in Red Bank, New Jersey this past weekend. We think you're gonna like it! Get your copy in early '08!

For those of you who have inquired as to the origins of the name, I offer this...

Please extend a warm welcome to our new sax player, "Handsome" Tim Veeder! He's dying to meet you at a Gorillas' show near you! That is all. {:8())-

Thank you to everyone who turned out at Ocean Place last night. The audience there continues to grow and The Gorillas have been having a blast playing with you! We've added some new venues in the area, so please keep on checking back for more dates to come.
On a side note: The Gas House Gorillas are planning to enter the studio in July to record a new CD! It's way overdue and we can't wait to record many of the crowd favorites that you guys have come to know in the past couple of years. We're shooting for a Fall release, with a CD release party ta boot!
Thank you for your continued support, my fellow Americans!
We love you, ya crazy nut! {:8())-

Our good friend (and resident Shoe-Changer) Joe Bopp has taken over
as Blog administrator!
Joe is a top notch dancer and all around quintessential human being!
His hobbies include floral design and midget tossing.

His turn-ons include nights by the fire, Polka music and long walks
on the beach with a special friend.
His turn-offs are reality television, negativity and fake people.

WE SALUTE YOU JOE BOPP! YA BIG PALOOKA!

Please keep checking the blog for all things pertaining to you, the
Gorilla Fan.

Who knows? There might even be a picture of you!

Or your momma! Oh snap!

Last night's Christmas show at the Stanhope House was a blast! Thank you to all who came out to play. Thank you Andi for the great cookies! Thank you Denise for the jingle bells! And to all the Shoe Changers who stayed all night and continue to make playing for you our greatest pleasure. Furthermore, I'd like to promise that the band members will not be climbing on any more bars & tables, breaking glass, spilling drinks, or engaging in any other sort of disruptive behaviour in the new year.
I'd like to promise that, but what would be the point?
We'll see you guys next week in Long Branch.
Please continue to spread the word and help us to make this thing huge!!!
Best holiday wishes from your Gorilla pal,
Rick o<{:8())-

With special guest DJ c1950's boy!

James Columbus McShann: January 12, 1916 - December 7, 2006
Kansas City pianist, bandleader and songwriter Jay 'Hootie' McShann has died in hospital today (Dec. 7) after a brief illness. He was 90 years old. He was the last of the great Kansas City players, and the creator of a style that combined swing and blues and changed the course of popular music. A piano player with a unique and subtle touch, he was a bluesman at heart. His best known composition 'Confessin' The Blues' has been recorded by artists like The Rolling Stones, BB King, Little Walter, Esther Phillips, and Jimmy 'Spoon' Witherspoon among many many others.

We had a great time at Ocean Place Spa & Resorts last night! With the monsoon
that was blowing all day, we expected the turn out to be light. Oh, pshaw. The house was packed!
The Dancing Gorillas (a.k.a. Shoe Changers) were all there, jumping like mad all night long!
And let's not forget my pals, Gary & Jennifer Wright from Terraplane Blues(http://www.terraplaneblues.com/).
They joined The Gorillas for a song and blew the roof off the place!
And to all of the new Gorilla Fans that we encountered last night: Welcome aboard!
Check the blog soon for pictures. http://gashousegorillas.blogspot.com/
{:8())-