GOD'S FAVORITE RHYTHM & BLUES BAND!!! - THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS - News/Journal

Vegas Video of Your Gorillas

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 00:00:00 -0700

This past weekend was a trial by fire for our new lineup and they came through with flying colors! Dean & Jerry's (I know, "Hey lady!") first gig with the band involved flying across the country and playing to a packed house at Viva Las Vegas 13. No pressure!!! If you weren't there, here's a bit of what you missed.

Hand me that tablet over there...

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0800

...And the Lord spoke unto the Gorillas, saying: I have heard the murmuring of the children of the mailing list: Go forth and say unto them: Fear not, silly persons! In the evening you shall eat flesh, and in the morning you shall drink latte with fancy little cookies while delicately holding your cups with pinkies protruding: and you shall know by all that is holy that

THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS

are God's favorite Rock & Roll band!!!

We're back! Did you miss us??? {:8())-

A Proper Sendoff

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:00:00 -0800

As the world grows a year older this January, your Gorillas will be undergoing some profound changes of our own. Two of our friends will be leaving us, as they set off in search of new adventures.

Tim Veeder - Tim has been a fellow soldier in the Gorilla Corps for a little over two years. In that time he has shown himself to be a great musician and performer with a sense of humor that is dryer than dry. Tim is also a “take no prisoners” practical joker. Tim, I still owe you for that 5 am wakeup call in Peoria!

Crusher Carmean - This one is tough for me. You see, Crusher and I have been doing this Gorilla thing for the better part of seven years. Being similar in temperament, we have fought bitterly for much of that time. Yet even at my angriest moments, I have never regarded Crusher as anything less than my brother. Our arguments were nothing more than a byproduct of our shared vision and unwavering commitment to the band. We have been all over the landscape together as coconspirators and partners in crime. He has been an irreplaceable force in this band and I suspect that I will miss him desperately every single time I step on to a stage for some time to come. Godspeed, Crusher!

All things being as they are, the time has come to say goodbye to Tim & Crusher.

Please be advised that this is not the end of THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS! We are committed to continue burning down houses across this country and beyond for years to come! Believe it.

This weekend will be our farewell shows with the old lineup. Please come out and send them off in style! Sunday’s show at Third & Walnut will be a Toys for Tots drive. Please bring unwrapped and unopened toys for kids who are in need. If you will not be at Third & Walnut (how dare you?), you can bring your toys to Trinity on Saturday and I will make sure that they get where they need to be.

Thank you for your continued support of the Gorillas this past year. We’ll see you in the new year!!!

yer pal,

Rick {:8())-

A Fitting Tribute...

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

There have been many great musical acts that have secured a hallowed place in the annals of music history. There were The Prognosticators, Slim Peter and his Pedophile Three, Rusty Sanchez, Pork Roll Sam and the Frequent Fryers, The Hock-A-Loogies, and of course, who could forget the King of the Polkas Slowek Shwzxtwkjhfdgski and his Existential Squeeze Box? You remember him. The guy with the chaps. I digress. We here at Gorilla Headquarters think that you would agree that these are some of the greatest artists of all time and that they deserve our respect, admiration and gratitude for their unique amazing contributions to our collective vocabulary in the field of popular music.

We also feel, with all due respect, as great as these ground breaking artists may be, there is one band that stands head and shoulders above the rest. One band that sets the standard by which all other bands should be measured. One band that can bring joy to the dreary monotonous lives of all the little people who will read this website post. One band that can make the blind speak and the mute see. That band is THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS. In the name of all that is sacred, should these other so called artists be permitted to breathe the same air as THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS??? “No!!!” I say verily unto thee. As a matter of fact I will go on record and suggest that if any of these hack no account loser has-beens even cast their gaze in the direction of THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS they should be hunted down like dogs by an angry mob of Gorilla Fans, beaten to death with pointy sticks and ceremonially disemboweled with a warm spoon!!!
WE ARE THE KINGS OF THE WORLD!!! BOW BEFORE US, SWINE!!! RAAAAAAH!!! YOUR FEAR MAKES US STRONGER!!!

I mean, am I right?

We're with you, Brothers & Sisters!

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Is daylight saving time starting to get you down? Does the prospect of another dreary Winter make you want to open a vein? Can you feel your brain cells dissolving into a pasty goo as you vegetate through another mind numbing episode of some stupid VH1 reality show in which Eric Estrada wades his way through a plethora of bubble headed low rent sluts in hopes of finding his one true love? Have you viewed so much Internet porn that it now seems like little more than a Disney cartoon and you have now reached a point where the only way that you can get turned on is by immersing yourself in Jello Pudding while the object of your desire shows you the bottom of their feet?

Yeah, we've been there.

There's only one thing left for you...

THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS!

STAT!!!

Joe Gorilla - Private Dick

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Sitting in my office after going nine rounds with my nemesis Johnny Walker the night before, I had a queer feeling kind of like there was a midget in my pants with a cattle prod and a box of matches. While laying my pounding head on the desk next to the photo of my ex-partner whom a year ago that day had gone to his maker after being pushed in front of a street car by a stranger wearing a bowler hat and smoking an El Producto Cigar there came a knock on my door. “Come in,” I slurred in a voice that could best be described as the sound that a garbage disposal makes when it’s filled to the brim with the carcass of some sort of dead fish, tilapia perhaps.

In walked a vision of feminine pulchritude. One part Lana Turner and three parts Ray Bolger, she was loaded for bear at five foot nothing with legs like a table and a giant mustache. I was smitten.

“What can I do you for, Sweetheart?” I cooed in a voice that could best be described as the sound that a cat makes when its belly is filled to the brim with the carcass of some sort of dead fish, sardine perhaps.

“I’m looking for a band,” she said seductively as she fingered her giant mustache, “The greatest band on the face of the earth.”

“Billy Budd and his Nudniks?” I queried.

“NO STOOPID,” she replied, “THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS!!!”

So I shot her. {:8()}-

WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT YOU?

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

This week's newsletter is entitled
"WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT YOU?"
Here is our top ten list of the things that we, The Gorillas, find so captivating about you, our very favorite fan. Ready? Here we go!

10. Your little laugh.
9. The way you make those fart noises with your armpits while dining with family and friends.
8. Your third nipple.
7. The fabulous things you've done with your trailer.
6. The way your left eye droops a little lower than your right.
5. Your hump.
4. The way you keep saying "like" between every other word.
3. The way you take your teeth out at parties.
2. Your chronic halitosis.

And finally, the numero uno reason that the Gorillas think that you are the bees knees (drum roll)!!!!

1. YOUR SPECTACULAR TASTE IN MUSIC!!!!

Eh? See what I just did there? {:8())-

Show your Gorillas that you care!

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

There are many ways that you can pay tribute to your Gorillas this week. You can show up at work wearing your patented "Joe Gorilla" t-shirt with matching diaper and spats. You can go out and heckle a rival band by shouting things like, "I know Crusher used to be in your band, but you still suck!" You can carve The Gas House Gorillas' logo into your chest with a rusty corkscrew. You can send us an actual human ear in the mail (just make sure it's your own, Van Gogh).
Any of these things would be wonderful and much appreciated by the band. Of course, the easiest way to pay tribute to your Gorillas would be to come out and see us at a venue near you and make a frickin' spectacle of yourself while having the time of your life!!!
If that doesn't work for you, you can always nail yourself to a billboard and set your genitals on fire. How biblical!
Show us some love people!

A Gas House Gorillas Haiku Contest!

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0700

A Gorilla haiku poem for Spring:

Gas House Gorillas.
A kilt is worn by Crusher.
How silly it seems.

OK. Now it's your turn.

Please feel free to send us your original Gas House Gorillas Haiku.

The author of the haiku that your Gorillas deem the best will receive free admission to our show this Friday!

Oh boy, what fun! I'll betcha Royal Crown Revue never had a haiku contest. Losers!

Good luck!

Friday, April 3rd, 2009 @ 9 PM

The Wonder Bar
5th and Ocean
Asbury Park, NJ
732-502-8886
Price: 21 & older: $7.00 or free w film fest badge

It's that time of year again, Santa Claws!

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

OK. I am now going to put aside my usual sardonic joking manner and speak from the heart.

To all of the people who have watched, listened, danced, sang along, endured being the target of our 6th grade sense of humor, bought a CD or a t-shirt, booked us, referred us, told a friend or relative about us, joked with us, flirted with us, befriended us, read my long insanely inane emails, and otherwise supported us in any way we would like to offer a huge THANK YOU and a big sloppy kiss!!! You are the best and we love you (well, most of you). Happy Holidays!

Best wishes from yer pals,

THE GAS HOUSE GORILLAS {:8())-

P.S. On the other hand__if you have been angered or offended by anything that we have said or done this past year__well, what can I say?___GET A LIFE!